100 Things

I've never done this, and I need a reason to get my blog going again, so here we go:

1. My favorite color is red. A rich velvety red, not an orangey or a pinky-red.
2. I am the only one of my siblings who was born in a hospital.
3. One of my earliest memories is going trick-or-treating the year I was 2. I was a cowgirl, with little cowgirl boots and a Western shirt with little rosebuds on it.
4. My kindergarten teacher was a man.
5. The first sentence I ever read was "Gus is a bug." I remember it vividly.
6. My mom caught me reading Clan of the Cave Bear in the guest bedroom when I was six and took it away from me. I was on page six and I never finished the book until I was 27, but the earthquake scene always stayed with me.
7. In Jr. High I used to hide in the girls bathroom and read during P.E.
8. I always thought I was terrible at sports until I discovered running in high school and ended up the captain of my cross country team.
9. One of my biggest regrets is quitting the violin when I started high school.
10. I love music, but I don't play any musical instruments.
11. Maybe I'll take fiddle lessons.
12. I met my husband when he lived downstairs from me in our college apartments.
13. He invited me over or dinner and cooked pasta with sundried tomatoes and goat cheese.
14. He cooked me the same thing 2 years ago for my 29th birthday dinner.
15. He used to be a far better cook than me, but I've since caught up.
16. The first summer we were dating, I told him that I had spent the Thanksgiving before all by myself in my apartment eating ramen and watching TV, so that night he cooked me a Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes in the middle of July.
17. We ate it outside in the backyard.
18. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
19. I still want to be a writer when I grow up.
20. I read the entire Anne of Green Gables series, all 8 books, about once a year.
21. It's better than therapy.
22. I'm a Catholic, but I'm not sure I believe in God.
23. I'm also a liberal feminist, so there's a lot of irreconcilable differences between me and the Pope.
24. But I love religious iconography and the smell of incense.
25. I think if there is a God, He, She and the Universe are all the same thing.
26. As you can see, I am something of a heretic.
27. I think those mandarins with the wrinkly skins smell like Christmas.
28. If I couldn't live in California, I'd like to live in Spain.
29. I spent a summer in Barcelona when I was 21 and decided that I was coming back there to live.
30. It's been almost 10 years, and I haven't been back. But I suppose you never know what life has in store.
31. There was this little falafal place in the Placa Reial that was amazing. The flatbread was thick and fluffy sort of like naan. I hope when I go back that place is still there.
32. Nine-eleven happened only a couple of weeks after I came home from Spain.
33. Someone called us and told us to turn on the TV. We were still in bed.
34. It seems like everything was different after that, in the world and in my life.
35. I have one sister and one brother.
36. They are both younger.
37. My sister has a little boy. He is the fifth person in his family to bear his name.
38. I was there when he was born. It was raining. It was beautiful.
39. It took four years for me to get pregnant with my daughter.
40. She was born at home.
41. Giving birth was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't think I want to do it again.
42. Actually, sometimes I just say that to hide the fact that I'm afraid I'll never be able to have more children.
43. I named my daughter California because it is the most beautiful place in the world.
44. I've had the same best friend since I was 3 years old and we lived in the same neighborhood.
45. We lost touch for several years when we were in our twenties, but now that we have kids, we're closer than we've ever been.
46. I wish she lived closer to me.
47. She has a little girl who is three months younger than Cali, which is exactly how much younger my friend is than me.
48. Our next door neighbors have a little girl two weeks older than Cali. They are best friends.
49. I hope someday they will still be as close as my best friend and I am.
50. This is taking a long time and I will have to finish it tomorrow.
51. Turns out it took me over a month to get back to this list.
52. I guess you could say I'm a procrastinator.
53. I hate watermelon. Other than that I'll eat pretty much anything.
54. Summer is my favorite season. I like the idea of winter, the cozy intimacy of long nights inside listening to the rain, but the reality of it usually gives me the blues. I need more light.
55. I like the Christmas season, but generally don't enjoy the actual day. Holidays make me neurotic and miserable.
56. I hate that about myself. My rigid expectations about certain things make it impossible to just relax and enjoy them.
57. Having a child has helped. I have to slow down and savor every moment.
58. Sometimes I do feel like I waste too much time wishing bedtime would arrive, though. It makes me feel horrible, like I'm wishing away my child's life. I have the rest of my life to read books undisturbed and only a couple of years with my daughter as a toddler.
59. It makes me sad that I was so depressed after Cali was born that I have trouble even remembering the first year of her life sometimes. I'm so glad I wrote a lot of it down.
60. I made a New Year's resolution to write more. I'm burying it on this list where no one will see it if I fail.
61. I love my friends deeply, but I have weird social anxiety issues that make it hard for me to maintain relationships well.
62. I'm trying to do better, because some people are too beautiful to lose.
63. This is why my husband is my best friend; he doesn't let me hide from him.
64. I love the house I live in. Every morning I wake up and try not to take it for granted.
65. It is only two blocks from the beach.
66. Almost every day last summer, Cali and I took a walk along the cliffs after dinner. Those are some of my best memories.
67. The last walk we took it got dark before we got home, and Cali discovered stars for the first time. Since then, it's been too dark to walk after dinner.
68. I love to drink Jameson neat.
69. I love to eat tomatoes raw, but only in the summertime. Winter tomatoes aren't really tomatoes.
70. I'm afraid of failure, and I've still failed quite spectacularly in my life at times. I can't even list those failures here, because thinking about them gives me anxiety.
71. I hate small talk. I hate going to parties where I don't know anyone. You'd never know it, though. I'm good at hiding it.
72. I taught myself to knit, and I love it.
73. I'm teaching myself to sew.
74. I used to be a pretty decent artist, but I haven't drawn or painted in years.
75. Sometimes I take photographs.
76. My husband made me resolve to write one page a day on my novel every day next year.
77. I find the resolution exciting and terrifying.
78. I'm afraid I'll find out the reason I've never committed to writing a novel is because I'd totally suck at it.
79. Being sucky at things is a huge fear of mine. I'd rather not do something than do a sucky job at it.
71. Probably why there are so many things left undone in my life.
72. See, even writing about this feels ridiculous. The idea of me, an untrained, unpublished nobody writing a stupid novel that no one will read, is ridiculous.
73. I'm still going to try, though.
74. I drink way too much coffee.
75. I don't exercise enough.
76. My favorite food is soup. My first sentence, at 15 months (so says my mom) was "I love my soup". After having had my own fifteen-month-old, I find this hard to believe.
77. I like to follow politics, but doing so exacerbates my anxiety, because politics are so fucking depressing (excuse my French).
78. My favorite movie is "It's a Wonderful Life." It always makes me cry.
79. I like happy endings.
80. But I like sad endings, too.
81. I cry easily, but not as easily as I used to.
82. I am the worst passenger ever. Seriously. You'd probably rather not drive with me. Especially if it's raining.
83. I don't get carsick, though. I can read in the car like nobody's business.
84. I love long car trips. I'm not sure how that works with the driving anxiety, but it does.
85. I've read most of the Harry Potter books aloud to my husband during road trips.
86. I love reading out loud. I can't wait until Cali is old enough to read longer books to.
87. If I had one wish, it would be to never again disappoint anyone that loves me.
88. Well, I'd also wish that my husband wasn't allergic to cats.
89. I love cats.
90. I HATE being cold. Our heating bill does not make my husband happy. Oh well. Being cold does not make me happy. Good thing we live in California.
91. I look more like my brother than my sister.
92. My brother is seven years younger than me. We didn't become close until we were adults. We are so alike and so different. I love him very much.
93. My sister and I are so different, and not so much alike. I'm five years older than her. I love her very much.
94. I miss living near them.
95. But I also enjoy the privacy of living farther from my family.
96. I am a very private person.
97. That's why I bear my soul to the entire world in this blog, ha ha.
98. I need to go to sleep. I hate going to sleep. That's probably where my daughter gets it from.
99. I'll probably go to bed and read instead.
100. I love to read.